Superlatives

-st/-est

The kittiest cat
The katiest b
a suite on the street
with some sweet ice tea
the shortest s.t.
the best way to be

The coolest, hottest,
nearest forest: the best for rest
for the blueberriest
(in the Far East ingest
the lychee-est).

The furthest fur
forgets to purr.

The worst ware breaks
with the least wear, takes
the most care.

The latest latte
was the littlest--
and the last.

Request RE Contact Information

Dear Friends and Family Members,

I have a request. Would you please text me or email me your phone number?

When I got a new phone, my contacts didn't sync. I've been an Android user since December 2012 and never had this issue while I was on Verizon... then I switched to T-Mobile, got a new phone, and no more contacts.  I think they must have been stored on my Verizon sim card...

I had re-connected with a couple people, and saved a few numbers into my phone over the past few weeks... but I was certain this dearth of contacts was some mistake, and I could have all of my contacts back if I just changed some settings, so I did a factory reset on my phone. Well, this didn't solve the problem--it only erased the few contacts I had saved in the last few weeks.

Anyway--would you please text me, and tell me who you are?  Chances are, if you haven't texted me in the last two days (since Tuesday the 26th), I don't have your number.

Thank you in advance for getting in touch with me.

Very best,
Katie

Rose from my love

Ryan sent me this today. :)

Floral Handles

My mother made these drawer pulls for me a few years ago. They had been stored somewhere inaccessible to me, but I now have them back in my life. I'm thankful to have them back. I love them. Thanks, Mom.

I Do Too

Difficulty starting
Difficulty focusing

Get going
Get on a roll
Get messages out
Get messages back
Get ahead

Qualify
Specify
Clarify
Simplify
Intensify
Solidify
Modify
Identify

Difficulty stopping
Difficulty breathing

Take a breath
Take a minute for lotion
Take a sip

Have a pastry
Have a hug
Have some water

Take a walk
Take a break

Have a talk

Difficulty explaining
Difficulty understanding
Difficulty finding the words

Have mercy
Have lunch
Have drinks

Accomplish
Distinguish
Wish
Publish

Try a Little Tenderness, or, Potentialities

The Title

Process. Unsure of a title for this blog, I gave it two, a fitting compromise to actually choosing. This structure includes "potentialities" in the main title while also suggesting it as a subtitle, and as a theme rolled up into tenderness, because doesn't love create possibilities?

Possibilities. I was also considering naming this entry "Ladies if you love your man, show him you're the flyest" because it reminds me to do my best and be my best, flyest self that I want to fling into the open, showing off, with the sun on my face, and the possibilities of morning before me--and because, Beyonce, duh.

Decision. But I went for the Otis Redding title, given that all I wanted today was to listen to Otis Redding, and I'm finally fulfilling that dream now, listening to The Very Best of.

The Gravity of the Situation. This is my 50th post on this nonsensicalifornia space. 50 posts is not too bad in five months, no? Also 50 is the atomic number of tin. Oil can... Gotta get some more heart. Okay? Take heart. Be heartened. It will all be okay.  But what I mean is, let's celebrate! Woooooo 50 yeah!!!!!!

Transition. I'm going all Laurence Sterne on this post--sorry folks. Cliff notes for the curious: Sterne was an author in the 1700's whose "style is marked by digression and amplification" -wikipedia


Health

Vegetables. I'm eating green beans, raw and crunchy. When it comes to vegetables, tenderness can be overdone. What if we remade "Try a little tenderness" as "Try a little crunchiness" with everything the opposite, but really it was just about how, seriously, let's all just eat our vegetables. Anyone want to work with me on such a PSA? Kidding. I don't really want to do that.

Retinal Scans. I saw the eye doctor today and elected to get a Retinal Scan. I capitalized this so you remember it and do it too. It was so cool! It is a procedure that replaces dilation and allows the patient to see their eyes in fancy detail too. It takes a 3D photo with a green flash of light, so the picture is all greens and pinks, not gross reds and pinks, and you can see the retina and nerves, and any vitreous floaters which you may or may not have (I have one). Believe me, you just have to try it. It was $39 out of pocket but totally worth it.

Hormones. Being a woman is really awesome because things I would be nervous to say at one point become totally easy to say because there's that point where the wave of emotions sinks so low and then swells up so fast you have to just say what you're feeling.  I'm feeling good right now--probably because I was able to address all of my feelings.


Obvious Points

Communication solves hella problems.
Friendship is the point.
Gratitude improves almost every situation.
Tenderness can dissipate distractions.


Potentialities

Maybe I sweep the floor again.
Maybe I wipe clean the surfaces again.
Maybe I just crawl into bed.
Maybe I organize.
Maybe I pet my cats.
Maybe I stay sitting here, listening to Otis.
Maybe I stretch a while.


Okay then. 

Goodnight.
Katie

Class Starts Thursday

So excited to discuss these!

Frustrations Tempered by Gratitude

I'm playing Chopin and in come the crickets.
I mean it. I stop to kill them.
I don't care about bugs
though I care about life
but I kill bugs because I hate them.

I hate the nightmares of insects in my bed
thousands of bugs under the covers,
these nightmares that haunted my childhood.

And my cats catch the bugs and kill them.
I've got paper towels and
frustration
and I'm tired.

Dinner wasn't good enough again,
I spent too much time on Instagram
but at least there was Beyonce.

Thank God for Beyonce.
And oranges.
And popsicles.
And cats.

The electric piano.
The quiet.
The flowers: yellow daisies, orange roses.

Thank God for the toaster
gathering dust
upholder of the American covenant of easy Breakfasts

--except for the days I had no breakfasts,
the nights I barely slept, for hunger--
Thank God those days are over.

Thank God these days I'm smarter.
Thank God, these days I'm stronger.

Strong enough to know my limits

What am I talking about? Are you wondering?
What I mean is: self-respect should only grow.

And if it didn't, I'd be an idiot.

Teaching? Dreaming.

Today, I feel a calling a teach. It's the end of Summer, and, as tired as I was of schoolwork in May, I miss being in the classroom.  I'm taking just one class again this semester--Studies in Dramatic Literature--and it meets for the first time on Thursday, the 28th. I've ordered my books, I've got my favorite pens, and I'm ready to discuss symbolism.

I do love my job. Maybe I can teach a night class once I finish my Master's degree.  I also think about continuing my education beyond that and earning a PhD in rhetoric and composition theory. But when would I have a family?

Sometimes I hear stories of women who went to graduate school while working full-time as a single parent to multiple children.  There are truly amazing women out there.  Sometimes, I find this inspiring.  Other times, I feel like I cannot be one of them. I'm not great at multi-tasking, and I don't want to half-ass something I love.

When Ryan and I started dating, he pointed out that I tend to feel overwhelmed when I look too far ahead, and feel calm when I focus on the present.  So this is my reminder to myself: I am on the path I want to be on.  I still have options before me, and I don't have to make tough choices quite yet.

I just hope I choose what's best when the road forks before me.

Good Morning

The ladies had baths last night. I think they are still mad at me about it.

Cat Thoughts

I think I told you this wouldn't be about cats, but I changed my mind.

I used to be allergic to cats. My parents had a cat when I was a baby, and then when I was in fifth grade, a cat in the neighborhood moved in with us.  From that point, they pretty much always had at least one. As a kid, my allergies to cats would be okay as long as I washed my hands after petting them (which I still do), and didn't stick my face in the cat.

But when I went away to college and was no longer exposed to cats, whatever immunity my body had built up dropped off entirely.  When I'd visit my family, I would be all sneezes, then all Benadryl.  My niece would want me to play with her, and I'd be loopy/sleepy from the medication, like, lemme just lie down…

My Life in Cats changed when I met Gandhi, the sweet kitty friend of a friend.  He is my friend Rachel’s cat.  And even though I was very allergic to cats, sneezing like crazy, I would still go hang out with my friend Rachel on a regular basis, bringing Benadryl and tissues, and sneezing away while we’d hang out and cook and watch TV or whatever.  Within a year, I realized I’d stopped sneezing.  Rachel and I moved in together, and I could pet Ghandi without sneezing!  I was no longer allergic to cats.

Fast forward two years, and I’m living on my own and decide to adopt some kitties of my own: Luna in September 2013, then Sola three months later, that December.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend is allergic to my cats.  When we came back from visiting family in the Bay Area this weekend, he could barely breathe and had to leave pretty much as soon as possible.

We had talked about what would change when we live together, but the conversation changed. Reset. "Rethink everything."  When I put my Rational hat on, it is an easy conversation, because health/breathing is #1, and I'm not going to let his allergies keep us apart.  But without the Rational hat, I'm fearful.  Indoor cats have an average lifespan of 12-20 years, whereas outdoor cats live only 1-5 years. They die fast out there. And I'm still in the apartment stage of my life. I'd love to live in a house... but I don't think I'm quite there yet.

So we will need some kind of compromise. The boat has rocked and I've tried to settle it, but my brain is still swishing, dizzy, unsettled.

HBS

No, not Harvard Business School... Happy Birthday, Sola!  She is 1 year-old today and all grown up.

Hella Big Saturday coming up--Ryan and I are heading up to see mi familia and
Have Barbequed Salmon

Heard a biographical secret
heard between silences

Holy books solve
hovering bee songs

Have barnacles Stuck?
How 'bout stickers?

Hips been shakin'.
Honestly. Beyonce still.

Hesperia? a bit south.
Honks bristle streets
honored by slowness.

Hunks of beveled silver:
my hungry blues song

Hamsters bopping, sopping
Hiking, bending, stretching,

Horse, bronco, songbirds...
Hippo, bison, smartypants.

like Hannah's been saying,
and a hundred bright sonnets--

Humankind: be silly!

Ryan took these photos yesterday. I like them.

Happy Birthday, Sola.

And here is a baby picture--barely two months old:

And then around four months old, the floppy explorer:

Awww.

I know we've seen a lot of my cats lately.  I'll show you something else next time, okay?

Love,
Katie

The Cats Say Hi

Sola usually stays away from the bed. I think this is because it is Luna's territory. Luna sleeps on the bed every night.  But this morning, at 5:30, Sola was lying on my foot, pacing across my hips, slumping over my shoulder... she just wanted to go outside, but of course, I ignored her. I am not going to reinforce that behavior!

Anyway, after her eventual jaunt through PlantLand, she came back inside to make sure I was brushing my teeth safely. What a sweet girl. And Luna was a little grumpy... glaring.

An Upside Down Candle to Support the Scandal

For real, sitting at my kitchen table, I've flipped a jarred candle over and used it as a stand for my cell phone, on which I'm watching Scandal, the television drama by Shonda Rhimes.  Well, not presently.  Presently, I'm on my lunch break at work.  The past week or so, though, Scandal over breakfast, Scandal as I wave around the cat toys for my cuddly predators, Scandal after I tuck myself in for bed.  I still have about 25 episodes I haven't seen yet.  I understand that Season 4 starts on September 25, so I've got some time with that; however, classes start in two weeks.

Last year I did the right thing and cancelled my Netflix account when school began.  That's how it goes.

I'm also still (somewhat obsessively) planning and imagining a future family. I think three kids would be good. I imagine a daughter with very long hair. I've daydreamed my way through walks, and practiced difficult conversations we will need to have, worked out phrasing I will forget about in fifteen years. But she doesn't exist yet, so it seems sort of pointless, an exercise in imagination that will have limited exposure on this blog.

That's part of the reason for my radio silence. I guess my thoughts have been a bit too personal to share on the wide-world-of-web lately.

What's new?

On Friday, my boyfriend asked if I wanted to go to Las Vegas for the weekend, and I explained that I would love to, but I have to do laundry and I'm not fully prepared to get married this weekend, and he said, "No, not to get married, just to visit."  OH RIGHT. Haha. And then he offered to do my laundry and clean my apartment for me.  Since he works from home now, he can do that kind of thing. See how easy it is to let my heart get ahead of my head?  *sigh*

This summer has kept a level of humidity and heat that seems unusual.  It is my first summer living in this valley, but I was only living 30 miles west before that, and summers are usually dry here in Southern California.

We had a great time in Las Vegas.  We didn't even get close to the Strip, which I appreciated, since I'm generally not feeling the sloppy-drunk-people scene. Instead, Ryan and I hiked around Red Rock Canyon and visited with his friends who live there. We left early on Sunday morning, and lounged around my apartment for the rest of the day.

We're going to hear some jazz tonight in his neighborhood... I'm excited about it, but part of me is also like, but then I can't watch Scandal!  Talk about #firstworldproblems.

Anyway, here is a photo from our trip to Red Rock:

Thanks for visiting, and see you next time. 

Yours,

Katie