Vision of Love

What's up nonsensicalifornia?

Me, just singing Mariah Carey all week.

And thinking of how much I love my man awwwwwww

a.b.c.d.e.f.g.h.

My heart swells through the universe: energy, stillness, ordering the nonlinear--

What if I'm not who I think I am? If I table concerns, repress my thoughts, over-manage my voice, never come back? Have I deleted the most ridiculous questions? I try to drop them but can't shock away the static cling.  I shake and they adhere. That's anxiety.

Kay Ryan writes of rivers as ribbons. I zoom in and step into the water's edge, an expanse of blue grey, a cloudy day. The wet sand braiding, the boats sailing, the fretting dissipating when the clouds roll back and expose the moon. The breath out in a long whooooo. I feel my man's smile. That's beauty.

Alphabetizing for order when the hugs are happy, the cats are well-fed, and the kitchen is clean. When this life, today, is treasure without tragedy. Don't take it all so seriously! Relax and just be silly. I can't stop laughing, lady! Disruption amid peace and happiness can be a portrait of comedy.

Dilute the stress with three parts water... This is the paragraph I do not write. This is the dream I do not remember. This is the curtain hiding broken windows, throes of woes, knots, blows--none of that anymore. Just watch where you step on the floor. Wake me up later. I'm not afraid of the dark. I have been into the dark. Just trust me. Just let me avoid the darkness.

Euphoria means everything connects no spaces graces taking places with no structure needed no orders heeded all ideas have seeded and are growing without rows and overgrowing overflowing all of us knowing the fleeting beating of the rush before the crush and gush of beauty connection trust perfection even illusion profusion enchantments charges forces barging in of course the source is euphoria.

Please don't say anymore. If I could only just sit down. Let me see if I have one. Can you wait? Let me rest a minute. Is there water? How long until the quiet? Would you tell me the words? Please say it. I can't take another second. I can't look. Maybe later. Please leave me. It's just this fragility.

Thank you for calling my name. I appreciate the honesty. I respect the need for stability. I trust this will work beautifully. Thank you for letting me and for forgiving me. Thank you rivers braiding, thank you, sunlight fading. Thank you for pointing out confusion, though answers still evade me, curtained by delusions. I'm grateful even for platitudes. Yes, happiness is gratitude. 

Thank you for listening, for the opportunity. It's an honor to have you visiting. Yours, with humility,

nonsensicalifornia

P.S.--

i.j.k.l.m.n.o.p.

Sayings for Cats, Part 2

She is jumping off my lap--
She is playing with her toys--
She is standing on the vanity, tagging the water from the faucet--

Hey! You're cute...
Did you know that you're so cute?
What are the challenges of being so cute?
Is it fun to be so cute?

What kind of cat stuff are you going to do today?
Are you busy?
Did you finish your homework?
Do you have to go now?
Did they cancel your meeting?

Are you too busy?
Are you busy doing cat stuff?
Did you finish your project?
How is it?

Did you eat your foods?
Do you like it?

Did you solve all the problems?
Did you tell her your secrets?
What's next for you, kitty?

Where's your toy?
Where is it?
Did you chase it?
Did you get it?
Where's the laser?
Where's your sister?

I love you, Baby Luna.
I love you, Baby Sola.
I love you, Baby Stella.

coffee, glossary, napkin

In the Wednesday class, the professor brought coffee for the class. Wow, grad school, this is great!

We are also doing a "collaborative glossary" which I think is the best idea I've ever heard. I love this and it makes me excited about doing my job, which gets down to how wonderful teaching and learning are, and which is also going pretty well today--thanks for asking.  But it's a short lunch hour and I'll be diving back into it now.

Ryan showed me math formulas on a napkin and I loved that too, while I finished the chinese chicken salad. That was a good moment today.

I think today's song is "Patron Saint" for good singing along in the head moments:

New Semester, Day 1

I feel pretty embarrassed when I think about the class I just left. Sort of foolish, like I had a shameful number of questions. The professor was awesome and patient... but I will be learning a lot this Fall.

I might not see you as often over the coming months, Nonsensicalifornia, but I'll check in when I can.

Much love,
Katie

Satie

Cloudy morning and happy afternoon backdropped by Satie

seriousness vs silliness

Have you ever gotten to the point where everything feels cheesy? When I look back on my older writing, it seems lame, ridiculous, somehow diluted--missing a spark of reality, clarity. '

(Looking back on my teenager poems, I see Shel Silverstein, e. e., Cummings, nursery rhymes, and Emily.)

Or maybe it's my usual mock naivete--a guise to surprise--to suggest we don't need to be taking this all so seriously.

It's no wonder, though, if I'm subverting reality, amplifying the silly, and transmuting clarity into hilarity. Or mystery. Isn't this life a mystery?

My voice is controlled. I'll maintain privacy and decorum on the internet for obvious reasons.  Is truth lost behind the curtain? I will hint and suggest the uncertain.

Maybe some images resonate.

A caricature of myself
inflating and distorting
clarity into absurdity
the serious and the silly into
nonsensicalifornia

In California, I think seriousness will win. But in nonsensicalifornia, there's no telling.

Sometimes I still wish I were Emily Dickinson.

Oh hey guess what. Classes 5 & 6 (out of 10) of my grad school program start next week. I am super excited and happy--just thrilled about the reading list. Lots of Virginia Woolf and thinking about rhetoric. More on that later!