pep talk: the indescribable agitation of life

"Only here . . .each insect carries a globe of the world in his head, and the webs of the forest are schemes evolved for the smooth conduct of business; and honey is treasure of one sort and another; and the stir in the air is the indescribable agitation of life" (Virginia Woolf,  Jacob's Room, Chapter 12, link)

trying to wrap up my final paper, which is centered on this idea of "the indescribable agitation of life."

i think most people can relate to finals being stressful... in the past i've been able to talk myself through it. i've told myself, stress doesn't change the fact that the work needs to get done. stress or not, time will pass and someday I'll be on the other side. worrying doesn't help me meet my goals.

not always easy, though. i have to keep working on this. have to take a break and chill for a bit. get to bed on time. eat real food.

twelve hours from now, this will be behind me.

and in the meantime, this "indescribable agitation of life" idea is pretty cool i guess.

ryan asked me earlier if i wanted an egg and i said egguess.

and then he made us an incredible dinner starring eggs (heart eyes)

like a vacuumed room with the lights off but rainbow christmas lights on

A song that turns on a shuffle of images

Something like 8 PM cloudy night

Pancakes and wine

Coffee and onions

Pomegranates at night

Some slivered moon

Some quivering clouds

Shivering the rain down

Rainy Day in LA

I'm in the mood
for stormy weather

(it had to be you;
you're my thrill)


these foolish things

i will get there.

bugs

i'm writing about bugs

in Jacob's Room

insects and spiders, butterflies, whatever

i actually had a lot of fun with my rhetoric paper though.  i talked about how the rhetoric of technology in the commonly used body-as-machine metaphor can be harmful when applied to pregnancy because in situations of pregnancy losses the metaphor suggests that would be a user error, and that's messed up, right?  i have a lot to say about that, because feminism, duh

but when it comes to insects in jacob's room, I'm like okay

butterflies seem....hopeful?

. . .

spider imagery is... dark?///

bees are.... active?

just give me like three more hours and i'll have a decent thesis k?  i'll let you know how it goes.

(i like rhetoric studies so much more than lit.) (enough complaining, back to work) (*poor, punctuation) *i know

, , , ellipsis . . .

ellip...sis (elliptical sis)

I'll write a list , , , like this , , , 

comma comma comma
dot dot dot
what was that
,
,
,

I forgot , , , 

.
.
.

(me too i forgot)

. . . 

(wait are you the same one or not?)