Sunday, September 25, 2016

i.j.k.l.m.n.o.p.

An abecedarian geography of nonsensicalifornia starts with anxiety, beauty, comedy, darkness, euphoria, fragility, and gratitude. This is my heart and this is my attitude.

I'm washing, combing my hair. I hear a yelp in the distance, forget it in an instant. I hum along to the dissonance. No street cred for my carelessness, the burning off of innocence.

Make it fairer. Know the boundaries. See the flaws. If laws depend, are they laws? Hold ethics stamped with stubbornness. Not repentance but consequence. Is it real for all of us? Is there really justice?

One lane: the other driver scowls, a coldness creeping. I defer in sympathy. I feel you but don't know you, don't know what you're going through. Maybe your beloved won't talk to you. Maybe an illness wears on you. You lash out rather than chance more pain. I've played that game. That's why I give you kindness.

Lolling, lounging, rolling, scrolling... let me lie around a while... embrace the space for laziness.

I can't tell what that is. It's not clear or well-lighted. I don't know what's inside it. It's a place, a voice, a worldview, a choice, a lifestyle, a being, a web page you're seeing, it's something in the future--it's a mystery.

Alight in the aquarium, fish firework into terrariums, with underwater balloon dogs tugging at historians. Bubbles form in paisley; clam shells break into applause! The cash drawer squeezes oranges, the otters' paws hide lozenges, the kelp sings to the barnacles, the broom pastes the nonsensical.

I reach for authenticity and worry on my sentimentality. It's all just vulnerability. I toggle strength and shame. I want you to know my name, but without my promotion; I'm near grandeur and oblivion. I delete three quarters, then half of what's left; it's all constructed, but it's my best at openness.

I could press you, I could try you, I won't forget you or deny you. You came all the way down here, waiting your turn. Thank you for your patience.

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