The problem is: I know I could have worked harder. I felt like I was putting in the minimum amount of effort to get an A. Of course an A is an accomplishment but I wanted to spend more time in my studies and really delve into the material so I can work hard and make it stick. I wanted days to work each sentence, revising them perfectly. Instead, I spent time doing Other Things.
The bigger problem is: although I filled the course requirements, Other Things still felt like they slipped. My number one priority is my full-time job, and I'm not certain that it got my 100% effort this past year. I think I did the best I could, but I often felt distracted. I think if I had less time to spend on schoolwork, and more time to daydream at home, I might have been more focused in the office.
I cannot overstate the importance of increasing my focus at work. This has been an ongoing issue. I had taken some medication to help me with this, but decided to drop the dosage to zero. I need to summon the strength from within. I hope I've got it!
So this week, I'm going to try to go easy on myself--meaning, work as hard as possible, but don't beat myself up over staring blankly at my computer screen every few minutes, imagining what I can make with beads, what I can crochet this summer, or eventually planting a garden with a three year old.
Stress can cause problems with memory, concentration, judgment, mood, temper, happiness, physical comfort, appetite, digestion, sleep, and so much more (thanks, HelpGuide).
Here is what I've been doing to help mitigate these issues: eating breakfast before work, stretching in the morning, blogging (always makes me feel good!), taking short walks, taking deep breaths, laughing as much as possible, eating brain food that won't make me sluggish and distracted, and trying to get a good night's sleep.
I am grateful that summer vacation is here--so grateful that I'm thinking about not continuing with grad school at this point in my life. Sure, someday, it would be nice to have a Master of Arts degree in English, but it's not necessary right now. What is necessary is taking care of myself and working hard at my job. Being an excellent employee will get me further than an MA, but I'm more concerned about right now than the future. How can I care about who I will be in the future and before ensuring that I'm doing right by myself and my commitments right now?
Okay, so that is the "stress" part of this post. Now, onto summertime!
Since I will have all of these evenings and weekends without homework, I am planning some major crochet-with-audio-book time, and also lots of time for beading and embroidery. Those are my three favorite crafts.
I also just put on some Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen because it will be like 97 degrees today, and I still aim to clock a 3:00 walk. Right now, at 7:35 am, it is 76 degrees.
Also, this summer, I am just going to read lots of books. Terri lent me The White Album by Joan Didion right as I started grad school, and only now do I feel like I will have time to finish it! World, take note: don't lend me books unless you don't need them for a year. Sorry, Terri. I am still excited about this book!
Time to brush my hair, etc.
With love and a peaceful heart and a deep breath and a smile,
Katie
Katie
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